Cara Mason, Seeker of Truth
by A1066
Summary: Title says it all. But its Crack, so be warned.


"We can't trust Shota, you know that Zedd. And this is a bad idea," Kahlan folded her arms across her ample bosom and allowed her features to settle into her "Mother Confessor" face. It was Cara's favorite. There was a lot to be said for "Kind Kahlan" and "Strong but Compassionate Kahlan", both of which she was getting to see more often now that Kahlan had been able to retire "Gooey, Heterosexually in Love Kahlan" with Richard's departure to the Palace of the Prophets, but there was something about her stern "Mother Confessor" face that oddly aroused Cara. At her trial in Stowcroft, when she had first been introduced to the look, it had caused her all sorts of discomfort. She had trouble standing still, and remaining serious while she was bathing in the power of the "Mother Confessor" face – half of her had hoped that Kahlan would confess her just for the nearly orgasmic rush Cara imagined it might provide- just before the agonizingly painful death, of course.

"We need a Seeker, Kahlan." Zedd gestured with the now useless compass which required the firm hand of a true Seeker to power. "Shota has located a suitable candidate."

"But why? She never does anything without a motive."

Cara dropped onto the closest stump and pulled off her gloves to examine her nails. They would be there for a while once Kahlan and Zedd ramped up to full volume; they were both formidable verbal combatants. The content of the conversation flowed past her without registering until she heard her name –

"What about Cara?" Kahlan asked, pointing at the Mord-Sith in question.

"What about Cara?" Cara repeated, head snapping around to focus on the Mother Confessor. Maybe she should have been paying more attention. She mentally sighed, no one to blame but herself if she got roped into something stupid because she hadn't nipped a hare-brained scheme in the bud quickly enough.

"As the new Seeker," Kahlan clarified, glancing back and forth between the aghast Wizard who was quickly turning an unpleasant and possibly dangerous shade of red and the confused Mord-Sith. She raised a hand quickly, forestalling the oncoming outrage and continued. "We can already trust Cara. She's good at staying on task. She gets things done." The Mother Confessor didn't ramble off the rest of her reasons which were circling unsaid in her head – things like how attractive Cara would look wielding the Sword of Truth, and how good Cara was at staying on task.

"You want me to name _that _woman the _Seeker?_" Zedd's voice cracked from being pitched so incredulously high. Cara leapt to her feet, preparing to defend her own honor against the wrinkly old bag of flesh and then remembered that she did not, as a point of fact, want to be the Seeker so Zedd's attitude while annoying jibed generally with her own feelings.

"Yes. And I want you to do it now, Zedd. No more talk about this man that Shota picked." Kahlan's tone was final and the wizard, while obviously unhappy, relented for the time being.

"We can handle it later," he sighed, turning his face back to the path, "I'm hungry."

A meal did not change Kahlan's mind – she was adamant. Cara was by far the most suitable and trustworthy (and attractive) candidate that they had for the open position of One True Seeker. A full belly only fueled Zedd's distaste with the entire idea. And Cara remained unmoved. She knew either way, no matter what she wanted or how she acted, neither party to the argument much cared about her opinion of the matter. If Kahlan won, she would have to just suck it up and handle the whole questing-for-the-Stone-of-Tears without too much complaint.

Kahlan won in the end, because she always won in the end – the "Mother Confessor" face finally worked on Zedd. With a great deal of grumbling and no small amount of annoyance, Zedd set about preparing to name Cara the Seeker of Truth. The Mord-sith watched the proceedings warily, hefting the Sword of Truth to gain a feel for its weight and balance. Kahlan just stood off to the side, looking pleased with herself and toying with a length of her hair.

And then it was over. The world didn't end. Gars did not attack. Cara was Seeker of Truth. Somehow, she mused as she sheathed the Sword in the baldric now strapped to her leather-clad back, it felt just right.

Kahlan was shocked at the pace at which things picked up. There was no more stopping to rescue kittens. With Cara in charge, villagers seemed more hesitant to ask for assistance. Zedd wasn't allowed to stop for a snack every two hours. There were remarkably few hiccups in the entire course of their quest, and what problems they did encounter, Cara handled efficiently (read: by hitting the problem with her agiels until it stopped moving). In no time at all, Kahlan and Cara found themselves at the end of the road and inside a creepy temple full of ancient, unaging followers of the most unpleasant looking man she had ever been unfortunate enough to lay eyes on.

He was halfway into his speech about repopulating the world (which he had obviously spent a _lot _of time practicing) before her really focused on Cara. The pause in his monologue allowed Cara to dryly comment, "We're not repopulating the world while you watch." He just frowned.

Things got worse for him when he refused to hand over the Stone of Tears and let them leave, though. Kahlan tried to persuade him – really she did. She knew that as soon as Cara reached the end of her patience things would go badly for the man and his followers, and as a Confessor she really preferred to try to avoid the inevitable bloodshed. But he just wouldn't listen.

So Cara punched him in the face.

The first time didn't really do the trick. He staggered, clapping a hand to his bleeding nose and wheezing loudly through the pain. Still he persisted in not handing over the Stone and showing them the exit.

So Cara punched him in the nuts. Part of Kahlan took satisfaction in the fact she had been telling Zedd the truth; Cara got things done.

It took two weeks to close the rift to the Underworld. When Cara was confronted by a little boy as she traversed the hellscape wastes to reach the Pillars of Creation – she punched him in the face. Cara was not really a fan of children after all. She even managed to sweep Kahlan into a deep, earth-shattering kiss right afterwards while a soft, photogenic breeze blew their hair around them just as the sun finally set behind them. Richard just couldn't compete with timing like that.

As she was brushing the dust off her gloves and declaring it a job well done, Richard stumbled into view. He had escaped from the Sisters of the Light as fast as he could, but he was just too late. Cara Mason had proven that she was the real Seeker of Truth, but she did promise to leave him all the kittens in the Midlands to rescue.


End file.
